The scarce similarities of the Skinner sisters
Greetings from the Ridge.
No one could ever quite figure out the Skinner sisters. Both in their nineties, they’d been raised in the same house, both married, then after 50-plus years both were widowed within months of each other, so they moved into a big old two-story house on the east edge of town. But that’s where the similarities came to a crashing halt. Maude, the older sister, was just about as kind a lady as you could find, the type that you figured God was surely having a good day when He made her. Lola, on the other hand, was the very definition of meanness.
Lola chewed out paperboys, the Schwan’s man, the postmaster, the UPS delivery guy, the checkers at the grocery store, and just about every soul who had the misfortune to run into her. Look up “crab” in the dictionary and there just might be a picture of Lola. All of which caused Maude to spend the final years of her life apologizing and trying to somehow make up for her sister. Lola would destroy it, then Maude would come along behind her and try to patch things up. I remember the day we got a new preacher and Lola had a fit because he wouldn’t stay behind the pulpit. She confronted the young clergy after the service and told him, “We put that pulpit there for you to preach behind. We don’t need you wandering all over the place like a wild steer,” then huffed her way homeward. This was the poor guy’s first preaching assignment and it shook him a good deal to think that he’d have to follow his new church’s strictures so closely. Maude had overheard her sister’s rude tirade and went to see him that evening. She told the young minister, “Pastor, my sister didn’t like the last preacher because he entered down the right aisle instead of the left, and the one before him was guilty of the sin wearing a rainbow-colored vestment.” She added that some twenty years ago her sister had stopped attending church because the minister put a long “a” on the word “amen.”